You may dream of a committed relationship, but not everyone does. Some people view potential partners like the Sirens in Greek mythology that lured sailors to their deaths with their enchanting voices. These people fear intimacy and avoid truly committed relationships at all costs.
Commitment-phobes feel a strong need to remain emotionally self-sufficient and distant. If you are in a relationship with such a person, you can see signs of this early on. And it will become clearer as your partner’s feelings for you fail to deepen even after spending more time together.
But, for many people, by the time they realize their partner avoids commitment, they find that they’re already emotionally invested, leaving them with the painful choice of either staying in the stunted relationship or leaving the person who they’ve grown to care about. So, rather than staying in the relationship until long after its expiration date – when it has gone so bad that it makes you emotionally sick – learn to recognize the signs of commitment-phobic people early on, enabling you to get out sooner.
They often express their fear in the following ways:
1. They basically tell you that they avoid commitment.
They may say it outright with statements, such as, “I don’t want to be in a committed relationship now.” Or, they may share their personal history, which is littered with one-night stands or brief relationships. If you want a committed relationship, this is your cue to get out fast! If you choose to stay based on the hope of them changing, you do this at your own peril.
2. They are stingy with their time.
They may limit time together by keeping dates short or not getting together often. Some will not meet during the week. Also, they may be hard to pin down for definite plans, especially if the plans are not in the immediate future.
3. They are vague or noncommittal in expressions of caring.
They may avoid saying, “I love you,” or they may only express it in a joking or off-handed way, such as distractedly saying, “I love you, too, babe.” People who are fearful of commitment tend to be promiscuous or just not feel a greater emotional connection with a sexual relationship.