When you met, sparks flew and you couldn’t get enough of each other. But then as you eased into a committed relationship, you probably found that your passions burned less brightly. The excitement of a new relationship only lasts so long before a deeper, more secure—but less lustful—connection emerges.
So, as your relationship matures, you may need to make a more conscious effort to keep sexual desire alive. The good news is, the emotional intimacy you’ve built can spark the flame.
According to a recent study in the Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, your responsiveness to your partner outside the bedroom can increase their sexual desire. For example, bringing flowers home to your partner after she had a rough day is being responsive to her feelings and needs. It’s worth noting that responsiveness increases sexual desire for both men and women, but it has a more powerful effect with women.
There are three ways that your responsiveness can increase sexual desire. First, your partner may desire you simply in response to being the object of your attention. Also, by paying attention, you might really “get” your partner, understanding their thoughts, feelings, and needs. When you convey a true understanding of your partner, they will probably feel more special, and in return, will feel more warmly toward you and have an increased desire for you. Finally, your responsiveness conveys a sense that you really care about and value your partner.