Someone telling you that he or she is looking for a relationship isn’t the same thing as really and truly wanting one. Anyone can utter the right words, but words often aren’t matched by behavior.
At the end of the day, it shouldn’t matter what your date says about wanting a relationship; what matters is their behavior. If the relationship is going to work, that individual is going to keep their word about plans, be honest with you, and make an ongoing commitment to spend time with you.
These individuals who are aware of the fact that they don’t truly want a committed relationship but say so anyway are lying. They lie because they want to feel “normal” and they feel like having a relationship is what everyone is supposed to do; they need attention or don’t like to be alone, or they are narcissists who like to see how many conquests they can charm and ensnare.
The signs that someone doesn’t actually want a committed relationship:
1. He says he will call on a certain day but the call never comes when promised.
This behavior is one of the most telling signs that you have met someone who either doesn’t want a committed relationship with anyone or doesn’t want one with you. Which case applies to your situation doesn’t matter because, either way, you’re not going to have a successful relationship with this person. (Reality check: time to set your sights on someone else).
If someone has met you and feels like you might be good relationship material, he ought to seize that opportunity by reaching out to you and keeping promises about contacting you when he said he would.
2. She resists kissing or other physical play.
Perhaps the woman you are seeing acts like she likes you and says all the right things, but if she resists touching you or having any kind of physical contact with you, she probably isn’t interested in having an actual relationship with you.
3. He seems to prefer hanging out with his group of friends rather than hanging out alone with you.
When a man is ready to have a relationship, he will also be willing to give up a part of his previous social life with his friends.
Caveat: I am not suggesting that a person should stop seeing their friends when they find a relationship, but I am saying that a relationship isn’t usually going to work if the person you want to settle down with prefers to spend Saturday nights with their friends and then have a mimosa-filled brunch the next morning with the same group.