2) Your 80/20 ratio is off.
One of the most well-known couples researchers, John Gottman, is able to predict divorce with 90% accuracy.
How does he do it? By watching partners communicate with each other, and coding their ratio of positive to negative exchanges. Couples should have at least 80% positive interactions. The other 20%, according to Gottman, may never get resolved. The arguments that are present at the start of a relationship are going to remain salient all the way through.
Instead of focusing on those sources of conflict, the goal is to enhance the 80%. Work on making the relationship as positive as possible and let the rest go. If you find yourself in a relationship with a ratio slanted towards the negative, it may not be the healthiest.
Try to make things work for a period of time, but recognize that expecting a partner to change is not the wisest strategy. It might be time to move on.